I get stuck sometimes worrying about what the future holds. As much as I try to stay in the moment, I can’t help but to overthink about every little thing that could go wrong instead of every little thing that could go right.
Mindfulness is not all that simple to achieve on a consistent basis, or at least it isn’t for me. Changing your entire prior mindset is a humongous challenge and although I’ve been practicing this skill for a few years now, I have yet to master it.
The past and the future, those are the two scummy bastards that cause us the most anxiety.
For example, I am sitting at my dining room table writing this. It’s quiet. Both of my dogs are sleeping, my youngest Maya right by my feet. Everyone that matters to me is safe and sound at this moment. My daughter sent me a picture of her burger and fries that she ordered at The Winking Lizard while out with her friend for lunch. My husband just texted from work to check on me. I haven’t really chatted with anyone today, other than a quick status update with my mom and my two best friends. Everyone at this moment in time is peachy keen.
Time keeps on ticking into the future though, doesn’t it? As much as I want to enjoy this moment, I’m already concerned about 5 minutes from now. Someone could get hurt, the neighborhood could erupt into total pandemonium or I could get a distressing phone call from a bill collector. (Although I wouldn’t answer the phone, stop fucking calling me.)
I was seriously born anxious. I bet you anything that I probably had my first panic attack in my crib at 3 months old for something I can’t remember because I was 3 months old.
We’re all in a continuous stream of movement, words, thoughts, actions, decisions, dilemmas, mistakes and thinking about what to eat for dinner. Taking life as it comes, just be-bopping down the road like the intricate humans that we are.
Some of us are able to do it with skill and nary a worry or look behind us.
And then there are those like me, in a constant state of hypervigilance. I have a decent hold on it right now, which has to be worth something.
And I’m holding on for dear life.