This is from my mostly defunct retro blog that I started in 2013, so some of you guys may recognize it…


Ruby: Okay, hold still, Mr. Wiener, I’m going to start painting you now.

Frankfurter: Please, I insist that you call me Frankfurter, or Frank for short.

Ruby: Well, thank you so much for coming on such short notice, Frank. I was beside myself with having to find a replacement!

Frankfurter: How could I pass up the opportunity to be a work of art?! I’m honored.

Ruby: I’m so glad.

Frankfurter: Can you tell me who I’ll be working with today?

Ruby: When I’m finished painting you all sorts of groovy colors, you’ll be dancing with these lovely girls!


Meet Bubbles, Precious, Glory and Sunshine!

Frankfurter: Wow! Hello ladies!

(The girls all giggle at the suddenly longer and thicker frankfurter, then leave the room to go powder their nose.)

Ruby: Yes, an older gentleman requested four naked beautiful ladies, hiding behind a banner, with a wiener painted in psychedelic colors running around in front of them for his birthday party.

Frankfurter: Sounds like fun to me! I’m still young and firm, I’m still moist and juicy, baby!

Ruby: That’s what I like to hear! Okay, you’re all set!

And thanks again, if this works out, you may have yourself a regular gig.

Frankfurter: What happened to the last guy?

Ruby: I ate him.

Frankfurter: Oh.

Ruby: I’m just fucking with you, Frank!

Frankfurter: A ha!

Ruby: No, seriously. Look, I like you, so I’m gonna warn you and give you a fighting chance. Get out now before I put you inside my buns.

Frankfurter: But the paint?!

Ruby: Mustard, ketchup and relish.

Frankfurter: Help! I need somebody!!

Ruby: The last wiener wanted me to call him Frank, too.

And with that, Ruby took her first bite, savoring the taste.