I’ve had a lifetime filled with trauma and chaos starting way back when I was a young girl.

I’ve unintentionally invited some of it in myself, holding the door wide open when I should have blocked the entrance with my plenty ample enough body.

Mostly though, the bad things have come crashing into my “abode” much like the Kool-Aid man does when he wants everyone to sip from his pitcher of fruit flavored sugary goodness.

Due to the rise in popularity of flavored water, Kool-Aid man had no other choice but to find a way to make some extra sugar.

Kool-Aid isn’t healthy for us, though. The sugar rots our teeth, raises our chances of becoming diabetics and makes little kids fat, myself included. I drank the stuff like I do ice water now, all day long.

My favorite flavor was lime green, until the fateful day when out of nowhere I became nauseous and vomited it all up. Ever since then, I can’t even smell the scent of lime Kool-Aid without feeling slightly ill. I switched over to black cherry and didn’t look back, until I became a teenager and started to drink pop, specifically Mountain Dew. (Which I can’t drink now because it feels like it’s corroding my stomach lining.)

 As a young adult, my beverage of choice was orange juice and vodka, a Screwdriver. The last time that I had one, you guessed it, I hurled major chunkage.

So, now when I feel the urge to have an alcoholic beverage, I stick with beer. I can’t guzzle it fast enough to really get loaded, plus it gives me gas bubbles and turns me into a living belch machine.

You’re probably thinking, what’s all this talk about Kool-Aid, pop and beer? Get to the point already, for Pete’s sake!

Young businessman holding wine glass, (B&W), portrait
You can call me Pete, just don’t call me late for cocktail hour!

The point I’m trying to make is simple. You can think that something is the best thing ever, only to find out that you were totally fucking wrong the entire time.

We are always evolving, always changing our modus operandi.

My goals for the remainder of my days is to live the most peaceful, simplest existence that I can. In order for that to happen, I need to change my thinking about certain things.

  1. Accepting help doesn’t make me weak, it makes me human.
  2. Forgiveness is possible if I turn my heart over to it.
  3. What I can’t do physically anymore doesn’t detract from my value.
  4. I am truly loved, just the way that I am, flaws and all.
  5. Laughter is medicine and I’m great at providing it to people in need.
  6. I don’t have a pot to piss in (old sayings are fun) and I eat a lot of peanut butter because it’s cheap, but that’s just hunky dory.

Because I am rich in other ways.

I’m not sure if my rambling here is making any sense (I’m out of marihuana for the time being, so I can’t blame it on being high.) It’s just my random thoughts at the moment and acknowledging my need to do some rearranging of my brain furniture.

By the way, I love the smell and taste of fresh limes, it’s just the fake stuff that I loathe.