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Knocked Over By A Feather

But It Didn't Keep Me Down…

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funny

Sleeping Single in a Queen-Sized Bed

I’ve always preferred to sleep alone.

Or, if you like better…when I sleep alone, I prefer to be by myself.

When I got together with my daughter’s biological father many moons ago, he liked to hook his leg over my hip, thereby holding me hostage. It makes sense to me now why he did that, since he hated to have me out of his sight. It was his way of keeping tabs on my whereabouts, even though I was just trying to get some damn sleep.

Which I rarely did because the prick had his heavy fucking leg locked around me, like a human clamp. Just getting up to go pee was a hassle, because he’d always ask me where I was going.

Oh, you know, it’s 2 am. I was thinking of walking the streets looking for some trouble to get myself into, you stupid bastard.

When I left him (finally) in 2002, I ended up sharing a queen-sized bed with my then 5-year-old. She was a fine sleeping partner, unless you count waking up to a little foot in my face or her using my ass as a pillow. I called her an octopus and we joke around about it now.

But once we upgraded to a two bedroom apartment, I had my bed to myself again and she had her own.

It was a joyous time.

I enjoyed the bliss of not having anyone touch me while I slept.

I just can’t quite get on board with the whole couple sleeping peacefully in each others arms thing.


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I bet Superman doesn’t fart in his sleep.


Anyway, it didn’t last nearly long enough. When my asshat husband moved in with us in 2004, there I was again, having to share my coveted personal space with another person. He didn’t use me as a body pillow or anything, but he could only sleep with the radio on (I need silence and the white noise from my fan) and he snored so loudly that I had thought seriously a few times of smothering him with a pillow.

I didn’t because I’m cool like that. I’d just kick him really hard in the shin.

But as luck would have it, after about 2 years, he stopped sleeping in the bed with me. He has a bad back, plus he has sleep apnea (which he ignores, of course.)

So, he started to sleep in his big man’s recliner, which now smells like…gross stuff.


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Even Lucy here agrees…it smells like ass sweat.


I love my bed. I spend a sizable chunk of my life in it, so it better be comfortable. I have a rip-off memory foam mattress, with a new sheet set made by the fine people who sell Snuggle fabric softeners. I have a buttery, older comforter and the perfect pillow combination specifically arranged for me.

I move around a lot because my chronic pain makes it difficult to get into a comforable position. I toss and turn often, which would drive any future sleeping partner insane, I reckon.

Readjusting to the single life has its share of ups and downs, but at least my nightly slumber hasn’t taken a hit. I don’t miss his body heat or having him there with me.

What about you? Do you love sleeping in the same bed with your significant other or are you like me, no touchy?

*Most of you over the age of 28 should know what song I am referencing to in the title of today’s post. If not, it just means that I’m getting older by the minute.

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The Sunshine Blogger Award

I was nominated by Jenn from Reclaiming My Sanity for the Sunshine Blogger Award. If you haven’t done so already, check out her blog. She’s a real sweetheart.


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Thank you kindly, Jenn.

When someone nominates me for an award, I always forget. Always.

Except this time, damn it! I fucking remembered and for that reason, I’m gonna make myself some blueberry muffins later.

Maybe, we’ll see if I forget.

The rules of the Sunshine Blogger Award are:

  1. Thank the blogger who nominated you and link to them.
  2. Answer the eleven questions asked.
  3. Nominate 11 other bloggers.
  4. Create 11 new and different questions for them to answer.
  5. List the rules.
  6. Include the “Sunshine Blogger Award” logo in your post somewhere.

Here are the questions from Jenn:

What blog post are you most proud of? I’ve written so many posts that it’s really difficult to choose a favorite. Hmm, let’s see…I think one of my favorites was “Totally Tubular.” I got stuck in the tubes at Chuck E. Cheese at my daughter’s 4th birthday party, which was a long time ago. She’ll be 21 in January, almost the same age that I was when she arrived on the scene.

Who is your favorite blogger? I have way too many blogs that I read to choose only one favorite, so I’ll just leave this question a mystery.

If you had the choice to pick a magical power what would it be? I’ve always wished that I could fly. I’ve had many dreams of swooping down and touching the tree tops at night, scaring the shit out of the owls. I also wouldn’t mind being invisible so that I could go to my ex’s house (wherever that is) and fuck around with his head. Maybe even pull a chair out from under him. Asshat. (Not my husband, my kids real father. Biological. Shit, I was trying not to use the fancier word.)

What is your guilty pleasure? Watching Lady Gaga music videos on Youtube.

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She wants your leather studded kiss in the sand.

What is your favorite holiday? Christmas! I like the lights, the food, the general merriment of the season. I also get to listen to Christmas music for like 2 months beforehand. Also, since I shop for gifts online now, I don’t have to run people over at Walmart while I’m using the zippycart.

If you knew you were going to be stranded on a deserted island, which 3 items would you take with? Is there an internet connection on this island? Probably not. I’d take a fancy dinner dress like Ginger from Gilligan’s Island, my best pair of fuzzy socks and a case of Bic lighters, because rubbing two sticks together would not produce fire, it would just piss me off.

What is your favorite recipe? I can make a killer lasagna.

How many times a day do you check your email? Maybe 3 or 4 times. Nothing usually there but spam and shit like that, but you never know when you’ll find an email from a real person.

What is your #1 tip for new bloggers? Be patient, be yourself and stay away from the stats page. Numbers aren’t what’s important. Seriously, don’t even pay attention to it.

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What are your hobbies (other than writing)? I like to color, read, nap, play with my dogs, nap, chat online with my friends, watch TV, nap…okay, I’m starting to see a pattern here.

What is your greatest fear? I have many fears, but hands down, my greatest fear is being alone in this world. I’ve had so many failed friendships, I sometimes wonder if I’m just an easily forgettable person.


Now my questions for the nominees: 

1. If you could meet one deceased famous person, who would it be?

2. Do you have any tattoos and if so, are any of them offensive?

3. Do you believe that fat bottomed girls make the rocking world go round?

4. What’s your favorite Beatles song? (Please add a 250 word essay explaining your reasons.)

5. What was your first Halloween costume?

6. Have you ever picked anything up using your feet and toes because you didn’t feel like bending over?

7. Have you accidentally farted while on a first date?

8. Did you know that the bird is the word? (Everybody know that the bird is the word.)

9. Do you always wash your hands after you use the lavatory?

10. Do you agree that people are strange, especially when you’re a stranger?

11. Do you tidy up the table before you leave a restaurant or do you give no fucks?


The 11 bloggers that I nominate are:

Anyone who wants to accept this award!! You all bring sunshine into my life. *sniff*

(Yep, I tweak the rules because I can, bwahaha.)

Loss for Words

I’m at a loss for words, which happens to me from time to time. The introvert part of me demands that I must reflect inwardly for a while, until it decides that it’s safe for me to leave its cozy sanctuary of solitary confinement.

The less profound version?

I get burned out.

So, I’ll leave you guys with a few of my favorite pictures that I recently colored on this app. I might even make this a regular feature, although those don’t seem to have a long shelf-life here at KOBAF.

Examples: So Lame Saturday, Fuck-It Friday, Trending, Mental Health Update, Throwback Thursday and Beatles Wednesdays, just to name a few.

And now, dogs and cats, all together in puurfect harmony!!


 

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“The Gang’s All Here”

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“Livin’ on a Whale.”

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“Fibro Girl”

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“Serenity.”

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“It’s All Groovy.”

What’s really groovy is that I finally scored some weed, so I’m going to go and um…do that.

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