Knocked Over By A Feather




Fibromyalgia Symptoms


I originally published this list back in 2013 and it’s had the most views of any post that I’ve ever shared.

I’ve highlighted my symptoms in purple. Keep in mind that fibromyalgia isn’t a cookie cutter disease and that each person who has it doesn’t suffer from the same exact issues. Also, many of the symptoms come and go, always worsening when I am having a flare. They go away for a bit and then come back to kick me in the arse without much warning.

I had 75% of them in 2013. Let’s see how I do today.

__ Fatigue, made worse by physical exertion or stress
__ Activity level decreased to less than 50% of pre-illness activity level
__ Recurrent flu-like illness
__ Sore throat
__ Hoarseness
__ Tender or swollen lymph nodes (glands), especially in neck and underarms
__ Shortness of breath (air hunger) with little or no exertion
__ Frequent sighing
__ Tremor or trembling
__ Severe nasal allergies (new allergies or worsening of previous allergies)
__ Cough (Not since I quit smoking.)
__ Night sweats
__ Low-grade fevers
__ Feeling cold often
__ Feeling hot often
__ Cold extremities (hands and feet)
__ Low body temperature (below 97.6)
__ Low blood pressure (below 110/70)
__ Heart palpitations
__ Dryness of eyes and/or mouth
__ Increased thirst
__ Symptoms worsened by temperature changes
__ Symptoms worsened by air travel
__ Symptoms worsened by stress

__ Headache
__ Tender points or trigger points
__ Muscle pain
__ Muscle twitching
__ Muscle weakness
__ Paralysis or severe weakness of an arm or leg
__ Joint pain
__ TMJ syndrome
__ Chest pain

__ light-headedness; feeling “spaced out”
__ Inability to think clearly (“brain fog”)
__ Seizures
__ Seizure-like episodes
__ Syncope (fainting) (Only once, yikes.)
__ Sensation that you might faint
__ Vertigo or dizziness
__ Numbness or tingling sensations
__ Tinnitus (ringing in one or both ears)
__ Photophobia (sensitivity to light)
__ Noise intolerance

__ Feeling spatially disoriented
__ disequilibrium (balance difficulty)
__ Staggering gait (clumsy walking; bumping into things)
__ Dropping things frequently
__ Difficulty judging distances (e.g. when driving; placing objects on surfaces)
__ “Not quite seeing” what you are looking at

__ Hypersomnia (excessive sleeping) -This happens when I am severely depressed.
__ Sleep disturbance: unrefreshing or non-restorative sleep
__ Sleep disturbance: difficulty falling asleep
__ Sleep disturbance: difficulty staying asleep (frequent awakenings)
__ Sleep disturbance: vivid or disturbing dreams or nightmares
__ Altered sleep/wake schedule (alertness/energy best late at night)

__ Depressed mood
__ Suicidal thoughts
__ Suicide attempts
__ Feeling worthless
__ Frequent crying
__ Feeling helpless and/or hopeless
__ Inability to enjoy previously enjoyed activities
__ Increased appetite (when not severely depressed.)
__ Decreased appetite (when severely depressed.)
__ Anxiety or fear when there is no obvious cause
__ Panic attacks
__ Irritability; overreaction
__ Rage attacks: anger outbursts with little or no cause
__ Abrupt, unpredictable mood swings
__ Phobias (irrational fears)
__ Personality changes

__ Eye pain
__ Changes in visual acuity (frequent changes in ability to see well)
__ Difficulty with accommodation (switching focus from one thing to another)
__ Blind spots in vision

__ Sensitivities to medications 
__ Sensitivities to odors (e.g., cleaning products, exhaust fumes, cologne, hair spray)
__ Sensitivities to foods
__ Alcohol intolerance
__ Alteration of taste, smell, and/or hearing

__ Frequent urination
__ Painful urination or difficulty urinating
__ Prostate pain
__ Impotence
__ Endometriosis
__ Worsening of premenstrual syndrome (PMS)
__ Decreased libido (sex drive)

__ Stomach ache; abdominal cramps
__ Nausea
__ Vomiting
__ Esophageal reflux (heartburn)
__ Frequent diarrhea
__ Frequent constipation
__ Bloating; intestinal gas
__ Food cravings

__ Rashes or sores
__ Eczema or psoriasis

__ Hair loss
__ Mitral valve prolapse
__ Dental problems
__ Periodontal (gum) disease
__ Canker sores (Usually when I eat or drink citrus.)

__ Difficulty with simple calculations (e.g., balancing checkbook)
__ Word-finding difficulty
__ Using the wrong word
__ Difficulty expressing ideas in words
__ Difficulty moving your mouth to speak
__ Slowed speech
__ Stuttering; stammering
__ Impaired ability to concentrate
__ Easily distracted during a task
__ Difficulty paying attention
__ Difficulty following a conversation when background noise is present
__ Losing your train of thought in the middle of a sentence
__ Difficulty putting tasks or things in proper sequence
__ Losing track in the middle of a task (remembering what to do next)
__ Difficulty with short-term memory
__ Difficulty with long-term memory
__ Forgetting how to do routine things
__ Difficulty understanding what you read (Not always.)
__ Switching left and right
__ Transposition (reversal) of numbers, words and/or letters when you speak
__ Transposition (reversal) of numbers, words and/or letters when you write
__ Difficulty remembering names of objects
__ Difficulty remembering names of people
__ Difficulty recognizing faces
__ Difficulty following simple written instructions
__ Difficulty following complicated written instructions
__ Difficulty following simple oral (spoken) instructions
__ Difficulty following complicated oral (spoken) instructions
__ Poor judgment
__ Difficulty making decisions
__ Difficulty integrating information (putting ideas together to form a complete picture or concept)
__ Difficulty following directions while driving
__ Becoming lost in familiar locations when driving

As you can see, it’s a fucking miracle that I am still even alive.


Freaky Shit I’ve Done: Part 1

That girl is pretty wild now
The girl’s a super freak
The kind of girl you read about
In the new wave magazines.  – Super Freak by Rick James

My wild, super freaky days are far behind me now.

Yes, I once considered myself pretty freaky back in my youth. I’ve done some things that I am not exactly proud of. I’m actually really hesitant about sharing most of it, even though I know you guys don’t judge me. (Or if you do, you keep it to yourselves.)

I’m going to make this a list post, because I love lists. It also will not be lurid, since this is a PG-13 blog.

Freaky Shit I’ve Done


I was once in a three-way with one of my oldest friends and her boyfriend at the time. (She’s now married to another man, with 3 small kids.) There’s a good chance that she’s erased this memory from her mind. Myself, on the other hand, haven’t.

We were all drunk as hell and I was staying the night at their apartment. It just sort of happened, one minute I was using the bathroom and when I reentered the living room, the two of them were messing around on the couch.

Um, I said, maybe I should leave you two alone?

No, they said, come and join us.

I wish that Morgan Freeman could narrate my life, that would be sweet as hell.

I downed my drink (liquid courage) and cautiously made my way over to them.

Stuff happened. No actual sexual intercourse occurred. Sorry to disappoint anyone, but I wasn’t down for that. But I did kiss my female friend and touched her boobs a little, although it did nothing for me.

This reaffirmed that I am 100% straight and like penises.

They had an open relationship and I knew that fact. It was really only a matter of time before something like this happened.

I’d like to say that it was a one time deal. Fast forward about a year and I made out with her same boyfriend at a Halloween party in the kitchen. And yes, I was yet again inebriated and not using the intelligent part of my brain.

People walked into the kitchen, saw us fooling around and then walked right back out. My friend wasn’t even bothered in the slightest that I was getting slightly sexy with her man.

I’m still somewhat ashamed when I think back on it now.

I stopped drinking tequila shots, that stuff makes me loose like a long necked goose.

Once Bitten, Twice Ouch Man!

I like to be bitten on the neck. Not hard enough to draw blood, mind you, but enough that it makes me wince a little. Pain can sometimes feel good, kind of like the people who enjoy being spanked and whatnot, which is not my cup of tea.

I dated this guy and at one point I told him about this fantasy of mine.

Oh, like a vampire sort of thing, he asked me.

Sort of, I replied. I enjoyed Anne Rice novels back then and found them titillating, what can I say?

I thought this was so hot back in the day and kinda still do.

He took it a little too far and I ended up with these giant welts on my neck. Nips had turned into real bites, like he was trying to eat me up for a midnight snack or something.

This is the first time that I’ve shared my fetish with a large quantity of people until now.

You’re welcome.

Sweaty Sunday Afternoon

It was a blistering hot July day and I was visiting a guy that I had dated a few times at his not climate controlled apartment. It was so humid, that when we started to make out on his couch, within minutes we were both extremely sticky with sweat from our heads to our toes. It didn’t take long before clothing started flying and we were slip sliding all over the place.

His roommate, which just happened to be his twin brother, came home. I clearly recall hearing the door opening and I jumped up like my ass was on fire.

And in a way, it really was.

His brother looked positively delighted at the debauchery before him and he asked if he could join in.

Let’s take this to the bedroom, the still naked original brother said to me, imploringly.

By this time, I was already dressed, embarrassed, angry and wiping my sweaty fucking hair out of my eyes.


No thank you, I replied. I better be heading home now.

Exit, stage right.

I think that the two of them were in cahoots and had it planned from the start. Little did those asshats know that I wasn’t quite that freaky.

Stay tuned for Part 2 next Monday, when I share the freakiest shit that I’ve done for last. (That is if you don’t think less of me now and unfollow my blog.)

The Love-Hate Challenge

Here’s another rerun of an old post that I wrote a couple of years ago. It’s a list of the things that I love and hate. Nothing much has really changed, but I have tweaked it a little bit.

I’m sort of going through a topic drought right now. What’s the proper term for that? Oh yeah. Writers block.

Topic drought and writers block. What a combo!

I have published a little over 1,800 posts here, if you can believe that. A few handfuls of them are worth re-posting.


Things I Love

1. I love cereal, especially Cap’n Crunch, although the last time that I ate it, I noticed how incredibly sweet it is. I’ll usually eat some cereal at night instead of a bowl of triple brownie chocolate ice cream.

I’m going to wreck the roof of your mouth.

2. The smell of clean laundry, fresh from the dyer.

3. Coffee. It is the best part of waking up. I take 2 teaspoons of sugar and a dash of milk. The milk is a must-have.

4. Juggling, even though I have no natural talent for it.

5. My dogs, Maggie and Maya.

6. The Beatles.

Aw, kid Beatles.

7. Chocolate anything. (Except chocolate with coconut or hazelnuts.)

8. Taking a long, hot shower and not running out of hot water.

9. I absolutely love a good nights sleep. True, I have to drug myself up for it, but one must do what one must do.

10. Pizza with pepperoni and extra cheese. I used to be able to eat like 6 slices in one sitting, hence the reason I have always been on the heavier side. Nowadays, I am lucky if I can eat 3 without feeling ill.


Things I Hate

1. Loud noises such as cars, trucks, motorcycles and children screaming. So basically my entire neighborhood.

2. Bills.

3. The way peanut butter looks when it’s wet and on a knife in the sink.

4. The smell of hazelnut coffee, which smells like burning hazelnuts.

5. The fact that I have depression/anxiety and fibromyalgia. They can all fucking rot in the fiery depths of hell.

6. Obnoxious people. You know what I’m talking about.

7. People who tense up when I try to give them a hug. It makes me feel bad, like do I smell or something?

I swear that I don’t have cooties.

8. Any body hair that isn’t on my head.

9. Like previously mentioned above, the taste of coconut. Gross.

10. Having to take a plethora of pills each day in order to function somewhat properly. I have to take 6 in the morning and 3 at night. I picture all of them fighting in my stomach for dominance over my central nervous system.

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