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Knocked Over By A Feather

But It Didn't Keep Me Down…

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Ex’s & Oh’s

I had a dream last night about the kids that used to tease me from kindergarten thru 8th grade. At a Catholic school.

I can only imagine how it would go now.

To the kid who used to pretend to spit in my hair: Fuck you.

To the kid who called me fat: Go to hell, you dickturd.

To the kid who threw the red rubber ball at my face, thereby breaking my glasses: Eat a fat one, asshole.

There, I feel much better now.

This is my favorite song today, because I love her voice and it’s extremely catchy. Ironically, it is the polar opposite of my past love life.

“Ex’s & Oh’s” by Elle King

Well, I had me a boy, turned him into a man
I showed him all the things that he didn’t understand
Whoa, and then I let him go
Now, there’s one in California who’s been cursing my name
‘Cause I found me a better lover in the UK
Hey, hey, until I made my getaway
One, two, three, they gonna run back to me
‘Cause I’m the best baby that they never gotta keep
One, two, three, they gonna run back to me
They always wanna come, but they never wanna leave
Ex’s and the oh, oh, oh’s they haunt me
Like gho-o-osts they want me to make ’em all
They won’t let go
Ex’s and oh’s
I had a summer lover down in New Orleans
Kept him warm in the winter, left him frozen in the spring
My, my, how the seasons go by
I get high, and I love to get low
So the hearts keep breaking, and the heads just roll
You know that’s how the story goes
One, two, three, they gonna run back to me
‘Cause I’m the best baby that they never gotta keep
One, two, three, they gonna run back to me
They always wanna come, but they never wanna leave
Ex’s and the oh, oh, oh’s they haunt me
Like gho-o-osts they want me to make ’em all
They won’t let go
My ex’s and the oh, oh, oh’s they haunt me
Like gho-o-osts they want me to make ’em all
They won’t let go
Ex’s and oh’sOne, two, three, they gonna run back to me
Climbing over mountains and a-sailing over seas
One, two, three, they gonna run back to me
They always wanna come, but they never wanna leave

My ex’s and the oh, oh, oh’s they haunt me
Like gho-o-osts they want me to make ’em all
They won’t let go

Ex’s and the oh, oh, oh’s they haunt me
Like gho-o-osts they want me to make ’em all
They won’t let go
Ex’s and oh’s

Alice told me that my voice is deep, melodic and extremely soothing. What a lovely compliment. She, by comparison, sounds like a innocent, sweet little girl. (Which is also a compliment.)

I often wonder what your voices sound like. I would be happy to hear from any one of you, but I know that most people despise talking on the phone. It is a lost art form. (So is listening to music on a cassette.)

cassette

Have a nice Thursday. If God is willing, I will have some fab news to share tomorrow!

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Retro Ads #5: Tipalet Cigarettes

(I wrote this close to a year ago.)

The History

The Muriel Cigar company began in the late nineteenth and early twentieth century when the brand was manufactured by P. Lorillard and Company, located in Jersey City, New Jersey

The brand Muriel cigars was acquired by a company called Consolidated Cigars in 1959, who were the ones responsible for launching an aggressive marketing campaign that popularized the brand beyond everyone’s imagination.

This included producing flavored “cigarettes.” 

I know I personally crave fruit when I have a smoke.

 The Ad

From 1970

Meet Roger and Ellen

Ellen loves a fruity tip. 

Ever since Rog starting smoking Blueberry Tipalet’s, his sex life has been crazy wild.

Ellen wets her panties every time he blows a smoke ring in her direction, causing her to ignore the fact that he is a rude douchebag. 

I mean, he must really like her if he blows tangy cherry scented carcinogens in her general direction.

That shit is sexy. 

Oh, Roger knows what she likes. A puff here, and a blow there. Here a puff, there a blow, everywhere a blow puff. 

Roger: I love you so much, I don’t even inhale anymore! I save it all for you, baby girl!

Ellen: Oh Roger, burgundy grape makes my eyes burn for you!

Roger: I love when I make you cry.

Ellen: There isn’t an ocean too deep, a mountain so high it can keep me away! Away from your loins!

Why it’s funny

Being a smoker myself, the idea of blowing smoke into another persons face, even Vitamin C fortified, is just wrong.

As much as I love the smell of fruit, the chances of letting a guy do that to me is fucking zero. This ad shows yet again how woman have been portrayed, as being stupid little tramps who got hot by having a man treat them like shit. I can tell you for certain that my mother, for example, would have taken a frying pan to any man who had the nerve to try and sex her up by exhaling his used smokey vapor upon her upturned face.

That’s so random

I wonder if Larry the Cable guy really has heartburn, or is he just really hard up for cash? 😮

Just an FYI, don’t feed your dog Alpo.

It’s probably not a good idea to get a tattoo that says, “Boner Garage.” 😉

If I bought everyone a Coke, would they all burp in perfect harmony?

I wish I could fly around the world, handing out comma’s from a knapsack. 🙄

Why would anyone want to be given a rats ass, anyways?

cats

Has anyone else noticed that no one on television uses the bathroom? You think they would write that into the story line once in awhile. :/

It would be neat if I were snippy and full of bitter vile, but only on Tuesdays.

My ex was as thick as a walnut shell. 😀

I love the color blue, it reminds me of water.

I’m thirsty.

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