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Knocked Over By A Feather

IT WAS A BIG FUCKING FEATHER…

Category

romance

I Feel the Earth Move

Lake Erie was beautiful that day, the sun bouncing off of the waves, the water a deep, dark blue.

Never underestimate the ability of a lake to captivate, even though it isn’t the ocean.

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The old bench we sat on had been carved into by previous visitors. Ramsey (his first name was Dave but we all called him by his last) picked up a sharp rock from the ground and started his own markings.

Mer and Ramsey were here. 1994.

We weren’t a couple, just friends. He was a part of the little group of kids that my brother and I hung out with back then. He was a year younger than me.

One of my girlfriends liked him, so I took the matter upon myself to have a chit-chat with him about her interest, since she was shy and always lost the ability to talk when he was around.

“I like her, she’s a sweet girl.”

I nodded vigorously in agreement. “Yes, she really is. Maybe you both could go out on a date sometime.”

He looked out towards the water and didn’t say anything for a minute or two.

“Well, actually..um, I was thinking about asking you out.”

I was caught completely off-guard by the sudden atmospheric change. How did I not know that he was interested in me? Was I that oblivious?

“Oh.”

“Do you want to go see a movie with me Saturday?”

Throwing pebbles at my bedroom window at 2 in the morning to wake me up. Laughing at everything that I said. Telling me that I was pretty and funny.

“Sure. Yeah, we could do that,” I replied, still completely dumbstruck by the turn of events. One minute I was playing matchmaker, the next I was being asked out.

He smiled brightly, obviously pleased with how our chit-chat had turned out.

“Do you want to take a walk on the beach?” he asked, reaching for my hand.

Nodding, I let him.


 

After our movie date and a quick bite to eat, he kissed me in the car. (My car, he didn’t have one.)

The earth did not move. I didn’t hear a symphony. In fact, I was surprisingly grossed out by our lip-lock.

It felt like I was kissing my brother. Ick.

That was our first and last official date. We still saw each other around the neighborhood sometimes but he stopped throwing pebbles to get me to come downstairs to bullshit with him on my front porch steps.

My friend never knew that he and I had gone out on a date, which was just as well. She ended up moving away anyway.

As for Ramsey, the last I heard, he had become a father and had a girlfriend.

His kiss must have made the earth move for her.

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Secret Sniper

This might come as a shock but I have a notebook filled with erotic poetry that I write when I’m feeling a bit saucy. It’s up high on a shelf in my closet.

And every once in a while, I’ll post one here on my blog, although it’s not my usual area of expertise.

Just to make you guys uncomfortable.

I know that it does because I rarely, if at all, ever get any comments.

Take for example the one from Monday. I got two.

“That sounds like a good way to get slapped….”

“OoooLaLa!”

You both know who you are. I appreciate the feedback and the giggles that I got from reading them.

It’s not really a part of me that I’m 100% comfortable sharing or else I’d be posting them more often.

I never use crude or explicit language. I believe that sex doesn’t necessarily need to be described in such a manner to be enjoyed.

I remember reading one of my mom’s romance novels as a girl. It was sitting on the living room table. I was just starting to understand somewhat the whole boy/girl dynamic so my little mind was both titillated and disgusted at the same time.

“She sighed heavily, her bosom rising and falling with passionate abandon. Their lips met and she could suddenly feel his…”

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…his secret sniper…

Yuck! Why would she want to feel his anything?

I slammed the book back down and went to go play with my scantily clad Ken doll for some reason.

Maybe by writing these kinds of poems, I am rebelling against my sexually repressed Catholic upbringing that made me believe any naughty urges that I had would send me straight to hell.

It wigged me out so badly that I would include it during my weekly confession.

“I’m sorry that I was mean to my kid brother, that I stole a cookie when my mom wasn’t looking and…ahem, that I was staring at whatshisnames butt during gym class.”

I think that the priest must have been half asleep. “You are forgiven, child. Now go forth and be a nice girl. Say two Our Fathers if you want. Meh.”

I would leave church relieved that I wasn’t a heathen after all.

Until an hour later when I was staring at his tush again.

Now that I’ve shared this part of myself I feel less like a horndog skank. Thanks for reading.

What are your thoughts on this topic?

(If you’re comfortable with it, that is.)

I’m All Out of Love

I was in the car the other day, hitting various channel buttons until something decent came on. I’m always hoping for The Beatles but that’s just me.

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Suddenly my car flooded with the lamest, yet catchiest song that has ever been recorded.

“I’m all out of love, I’m so lost without you!”

Air Supply. (Yes, I have their greatest hits CD somewhere.)

 

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Where do I even start?
 

I was alone in the car. I fought the urge to sing along but was caught up in the stylish duo’s docile tones. 

Oh, how their voices blend together like chocolate vanilla swirl ice cream!

Yes, I know deep in my heart that this song is mega lame. I’ve always known this, even back in the late 80’s when I started getting into these two Aussies power ballads.

I gave no shits then. I still don’t now.

“What the hell are you listening to?” my brother asked.

“Ambrosia for the ears, bro.”

“Lame.”

“Shut up, I love them!!!”

Regardless of the one dudes perm and the matching red pleather jackets.

I hereby declare Air Supply as the best damn lamest pop group of all time.

For your listening pleasure, I share with you one of their biggest hits that came out way back in 1980.

You’re welcome. (You may need some tissues, these lyrics are brutal, man.)

“All Out Of Love”

I’m lying alone with my head on the phone
Thinking of you till it hurts
I know you hurt too but what else can we do
Tormented and torn apartI wish I could carry your smile in my heart
For times when my life seems so low
It would make me believe what tomorrow could bring
When today doesn’t really know, doesn’t really know

[Chorus:]
I’m all out of love, I’m so lost without you
I know you were right, believing for so long
I’m all out of love, what am I without you
I can’t be too late to say that I was so wrong

I want you to come back and carry me home
Away from these long, lonely nights
I’m reaching for you, are you feeling it too?
Does the feeling seem oh, so right?

And what would you say if I called on you now
And said that I can’t hold on?
There’s no easy way, it gets harder each day
Please love me or I’ll be gone, I’ll be gone

[Chorus]

Ooh, what are you thinking of
What are you thinking of
What are you thinking of
What are you thinking of

I’m all out of love, I’m so lost without you
I know you were right, believing for so long
I’m all out of love, what am I without you
I can’t be too late I know I was so wrong

I’m all out of love, I’m so lost without you
I know you were right, believing for so long
I’m all out of love, what am I without you
I can’t be too late to I know I was so wrong

[Chorus]

 

 

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