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Knocked Over By A Feather

IT WAS A BIG FUCKING FEATHER…

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Me Babbling

This is a video of (just my voice) on my new YouTube channel (only way I could share it here) of me talking about utter nonsense. I kept it short.

I’m a little nervous, so please excuse my stuttering.

ES, there’s a message for you.

If you watched, thanks for humoring me.

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I’ve Never Been To Me

Good gravy, is this song lame.

Beleaguered Servant was the first to respond to my call for lame songs, and boy did he pick a winner.

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I would say thank you, but my ears are still bleeding.

This song came out in 1982, when I was still too young to really man the radio myself. This is why I love the oldies so much, because I mostly listened to what my parents deemed appropriate at the time.

I had full access to Donny Osmond.

“I’ve Never Been To Me” was a one-hit wonder by a woman named Charlene, not to be confused with Cher, who is not lame.

Mostly.

I read the lyrics first, grabbed a barf bag, and then put my headphones on. Yes, I had heard it before. Long, long ago on a radio channel far, far away.

Like, miles away.

There are a few things that really make this song lame.

– Charlene cannot sing.

– She uses the word “whoring.”

– Charlene cannot sing.

Let’s check out these lyrics.

Hey lady, you lady
Cursing at your life
You’re a discontented mother
And a regimented wife
I’ve no doubt you dream about
The things you’ll never do
But, I wish someone had talked to me
Like I wanna talk to you

I’m sorry, do I know you from somewhere?

Whoooa, I’ve been to Georgia
And California and anywhere I could run
Took the hand of a preacher man
And we made love in the sun
But I ran out of places
And friendly faces
Because I had to be free
I’ve been to paradise
But I’ve never been to me

Was his name Billy Ray by any chance?

Please lady, please, lady
Don’t just walk away
‘Cause I have this need to tell you
Why I’m all alone today
I can see so much of me
Still living in your eyes
Won’t you share a part
Of a weary heart
that has lived million lies

No, I really should wash my hair.

Whoooa, I’ve been to Nice
And the Isle of Greece
While I’ve sipped champagne on a yacht
I’ve moved like Harlow in Monte Carlo
And showed ’em what I’ve got
I’ve been undressed by kings
And I’ve seen some things
That a woman ain’t supposed to see
I’ve been to paradise
But I’ve never been to me

Um….that’s nice?

Hey, you know what paradise is
It’s a lie
A fantasy we create about people
And places as we’d like them to be
But you know what truth is
It’s that little baby you’re holding
And it’s that man you fought with this morning
The same one you’re going to make love with tonight
That’s truth, that’s love

Okay.

Sometimes I’ve been to crying
For unborn children
That might have made me complete
But I, I took the sweet life
I never knew
I’d be bitter from the sweet
I’ve spent my life exploring
The subtle whoring
That costs too much to be free
Hey lady, I’ve been to paradise
But I’ve never been to meeeeeee

Don’t call yourself a whore, Charlene. That isn’t cool.

Maybe the song itself isn’t completely lame…she seems sincere enough….but the blouse she has on is.

Piano Man

I was sitting in my van yesterday, waiting for my daughter to get out of school. It was the first time all week that I felt up to leaving the house. I had the radio on, as usual, set to the oldies channel.

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This song came on, and instead of just humming along vacantly, I actually listened to the words. It made me want to cry for some reason.

Thanks bunches, Mr. Joel.

Anyways, I wanted to share it with everyone. Let me know if it makes you emotional too.

If it doesn’t, I may need some new meds and shit.

Piano Man by Billy Joel

It’s nine o’clock on a Saturday
The regular crowd shuffles in
There’s an old man sitting next to me
Making love to his tonic and gin

He says, “Son can you play me a memory
I’m not really sure how it goes
But it’s sad and it’s sweet
And I knew it complete
When I wore a younger man’s clothes”

Sing us a song you’re the piano man
Sing us a song tonight
Well we’re all in the mood for a melody
And you’ve got us feeling alright

Now John at the bar is a friend of mine
He gets me my drinks for free
And he’s quick with a joke or to light up your smoke
But there’s someplace that he’d rather be

He says, “Bill, I believe this is killing me”
As a smile ran away from his face
“Well, I’m sure that I could be a movie star
If I could get out of this place”

Now Paul is a real estate novelist
Who never had time for a wife
And he’s talking with Davy, who’s still in the Navy
And probably will be for life

And the waitress is practicing politics
As the businessmen slowly get stoned
Yes they’re sharing a drink they call loneliness
But it’s better than drinking alone

Sing us a song you’re the piano man
Sing us a song tonight
Well we’re all in the mood for a melody
And you’ve got us feeling alright

It’s a pretty good crowd for a Saturday
And the manager gives me a smile
‘Cause he knows that it’s me they’ve been coming to see
To forget about life for a while

And the piano sounds like a carnival
And the microphone smells like a beer
And they sit at the bar and put bread in my jar
And say “Man what are you doing here?”

Sing us a song you’re the piano man
Sing us a song tonight
Well we’re all in the mood for a melody
And you’ve got us feeling alright

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