Knocked Over By A Feather

But It Didn't Keep Me Down…

Unwrap Your Present


gift-2469437_1920I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about people in my life, reflecting I suppose. Those that have come and gone. Those that I think about and miss, our relationship damaged.  I think about the people I count on, who are still with me. There are those close to me who have weathered the storm with me by understanding they do not have the power to fix me. I think about the new friends I have made and wonder how I can be a good friend to them? I think about Father Time and what a thief he really is… I can’t buy back lost time.

There is a lesson that I have indeed learned and that is, I am taking back my power! I have said my apologies for my past behavior; most, not all, of it stemming from poor health. I have been very open and answered any questions, no matter how personal, asked of me … this has all been a lesson in futility. Circumstances remain the same. Opinions aren’t easily changed. So it is time for me to let go of these relationships because I have the power to choose that option.

I have tried to move on before and was unsuccessful. Systematic thought pattern always got in my way. This time I will break through those patterns. I will no longer dwell on what was and I will live for what is because I can feel the value of my life. I have done my soul searching and grieved for those I have lost, and those still distant. I believe with all my heart I have traveled down every avenue,  I have tried to make things right. Living to somehow ‘right the wrongs’ of my past limits what I can achieve in the present. I am choosing the relationships I have now. Now, you may consider it a privilege to be in my life, and this privilege is not guaranteed. The past has been stealing my happiness and I will not allow for this anymore. Those in my present deserve all of my time and effort and I will give them as much as I can. Today, I am going to unwrap my present.

4-up on 11-9-17 at 2.00 PM (compiled)~Kim


He’s Gone

I woke up this morning and let my dogs outside. I made coffee, all by myself.

My dogs are acting strange, because he left yesterday. He packed up a bag of clothes and toiletries, then coldly walked away from us. After 15 years, it’s all over.

He’ll be back this weekend to pack the rest of his crap and put it into the garage until he finds a permanent place to live. So, I’ll only have to see him maybe two more times.

Thank God.

I keep reminding myself that he’s not a decent man. He’s a liar, a cheater, a coward. He’s hurt me so many times. He’s made me cry. I’ve already cried once this morning because of my dog Maya, she’s able to communicate her feelings just by looking at me.

There’s jack shit that anybody can do for me right now. People have their own lives to contend with, so I don’t like to bother anyone.

I did find out that he stopped loving me and wanting to be with me because I got sick. The truth of that hit me right in the gut.

It isn’t my fault that I got sick and he couldn’t deal with it. I know that. It’s his flaw, not mine. If the tables were turned, I would have been there for him.

I guess each day that goes by will make things easier. I hate being in this house, but it’s where I need to be for now. Once my daughter is on her own, my plans are to sell the condo and move out west, far away from Ohio.

In the meantime, I have no idea how to mend myself. It seems to me that life is just one neverending trauma after another and we really don’t have anything stable to cling to.

I Have Gone to the Dark Side

The world of dark, menacing prairies of nothingness, wordless clusters scattered here and there… a land so foreign that I feel numb at times from the selfish ideologies being thrown in my face. The ignorant rules in this land and the hope of promoting clear, accurate and helpful human kindness does not exist … welcome to Twitter.

God help me, I have stepped off the ledge and into the world of Twitter.

Tweet me or not, @stoneintheroad.

I could use some back-up!

IMG_3064 (1)~Kim

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