A few of you may recall that during my first year of blogging, I did a series of posts that I called “Taboo Topics.” I wrote about everything taboo, from cannibalism to swearing.
I want to revisit some of them, so please don’t be shocked or unfollow me if I discuss something that might make you uncomfortable.
My therapist is extremely blunt.
“Do you watch porn?” she asked me a short while ago.
“Um…yes. I do.”
“That’s good. And do you masturbate while watching it?”
I could feel my cheeks starting to flush.
“Yeah,” I replied, giggling slightly.
“You’re beet red, Mer!” she responded, laughing with me.
“I’ve always blushed easily,” I explained. “I was told by a nun that masturbating was a mortal sin and if I did it, I’d go to hell.”
“Do you still believe that?”
I shook my head. “Trust me, I’ve done far worse things since I was in the 8th grade.”
This conversation did have a point of origin, a valid reason behind it. She wasn’t being creepily random.
I can talk about anything with her. Of all of the therapists that I’ve seen since the age of 8, J is hands down the best one that I’ve ever had. I am 100% comfortable with her and I trust her completely with my darkest thoughts. She’s one of the reasons why my depression is finally in remission.
To be blunt myself, I’m an incredibly sexual person deep down in my psyche, but that got covered over by my mental illnesses these last few years. It rarely, if ever, crossed my mind. Yet now that I am feeling more like myself again, my sex drive has come back in full force.
How can I put this without seeming like a complete bitch?
My husband isn’t on the same page. He’s not even on the same chapter.
I told J all of this, so that’s why she brought up the porn and masturbation thing.
“It’ll help you to take the edge off,” she promised me. “I’ve been there myself.”
“It does somewhat,” I agreed with her. Then I sighed loudly, because I enjoy sighing at a high volume.
I’ve done some sketchy shit in my day, but I don’t consider watching a porno and taking care of my business (once a week average lately) sketchy at all.
I know, too much information, right?
Well, be thankful that I don’t go into detail. (I really work hard on keeping things somewhat classy around here.)
I had a friend who claimed that she never, ever, you know what. I called bullshit on her.
“You’re a fucking liar!”
Nope, I swear it, she retorted, wrinkling her nose at me in disgust.
I had no other recourse but to believe her. A part of me felt somewhat bad for her, that she wasn’t comfortable enough with her body to do some exploring.
I won’t ask you guys about your masturbation habits, because it’s really none of my damn business. It’s my choice to reveal (once again) my feelings on this exceptionally taboo topic today.
But, as usual, I am open to any thoughts that you may like to share.